I still don’t feel right

I could be totally and utterly alone in this, because everyone around me just seems to be getting on with things now, but here goes anyway…

I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is, but I’m really starting the think this new normal isn’t for me. For one thing, I’m finding this life somehow more tiring than the one I had before.

How I ever lived my pre-pandemic life I do not know! Nowadays, just having plans three nights in a row feels overwhelming.

I particularly struggle with the transition from a weekend full of plans, to a Monday at home feeling like I’m back in lockdown and the most exciting thing on the agenda should be a virtual quiz with friends.

I find that I eventually adjust to working from home life; I plan our meals for the week, do the online food shop, catch up on emails and so on, only to find myself back facing a Friday night out and about, living like it’s 2019.

And don’t get me wrong, I will never take nights out for dinner with friends, or nights in with family or nights away for granted again, but when I’m socialising, I feel like my tiredness, anxiety and general awkwardness must be visible to every single person who sees me. And yet, none of the people I’m spending time with seem awkward at all. They all seem like they have well and truly ridden the waves and come back to shore refreshed and ready to get back out there.

I feel like living under restrictions for 18 months has really taken its toll and if I’m really honest, I’m not enjoying this half and half life one bit. I miss having train journeys to read and do my life admin. That said, if you asked me to go back to the office five days a week I’d run away to Timbuctoo and never come back. Likewise, I’m not sure I’d survive another lockdown.

I guess what I’m saying is – In spite of being vaccinated, free from lockdown restrictions and having a pretty mask with flowers on it in my hand bag, I still don’t feel right.

Anyone else?

Published by

bronwensamantha

Musician-Blogger-FoodEnthusiast-Traveller-Do-Gooder-Perfectionist-Bookworm ✨ London 🇬🇧

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