Blogging Goodbye to Butterflies

Month: August 2024

  • On my way to OK again 👌

    On my way to OK again 👌

    I was right when I said that the butterflies were gentling warning me to take care. I had a wonderful day at my grandparents with family, but on Monday morning, tiredness and anxiety hit me all over again like a brick. And I felt devastated because if you were paying attention you’ll remember, Monday was Taylor Swift Eras tour day!

    Dave got me out the door and in the car with hugs and moral support and my friend got me to the concert with tea, pizza and a wrist full of friendship bracelets. I’m still in disbelief that I was actually there – what. a. privilege! I have a whole new level of admiration for Taylor. She is one incredibly talented woman and she put on a show like no other. And I’m so grateful for the memories my friend and I made, which I’ll treasure for a lifetime.

    If you haven’t been and you’re here looking for some insight and wondering if the show is worth all of the hype… It absolutely is. The effort put into the whole production, from costume to set design to choreography is incredible. If you’ve got Disney +, I definitely recommend checking out the recording. It’s like lots of mini shows – a whole new staging, set of costumes and dance style for every Taylor album. Not easily achieved and yet Taylor, her band and the dancers around her give it a thousand percent for over three hours straight!

    Me on the other hand? Tuesday, I felt the impact of just pushing through and making it to the concert at all. I collapsed on the sofa the minute I got home, moving only to shower when I started to feel icky.

    Wednesday I felt more energised. I spent a day at the office, joined work colleagues for sunny drinks and met another one of my best friends for dinner. We caught up outside Rosa’s Thai in Soho, sharing a carafe of wine and eating noodles as the sun went down and the streets around us became increasingly buzzy.

    I cried on and off through Thursday and Friday, managing to get my head down at work and somehow tie things up before the bank holiday weekend.

    Friday night we spent with friends, eating chilli, drinking and playing cards until the early hours of the morning, without even noticing the time going by.

    And then yesterday, on a cosy, rainy Saturday afternoon, I finally found peace. I found myself curled up in my arm chair, Avril Lavigne T-Shirt and baggy trousers on, breathing deep and tearing up as relief hit me like an avalanche. I had Cat Burns’ latest album playing, but quietly enough that I could hear the rain pouring down outside the windows. I’d curled up with the intention of reading my book, but I kept putting my book down just to rest my head on the back of the chair, look out the window and watch the trees swaying in the wind.

    And today, I feel like I’m on the way to ok again. I’ve been for a sunny walk and had an everything shower, whilst listening to my favourite Celine Dion album. I’ve watched a couple of very emotional episodes of Love is Blind UK and I had a very wholesome chicken and vegetable soup for lunch.

    Part of me wonders whether the Monday morning crash could have been avoided… If I’d spent the previous Friday morning out walking or curled up in my armchair with my book, instead of binge watching Emily in Paris, would that have brought me the same peace sooner? Or was I just unavoidably run down and tired in a way that would only be solved by a rainy Saturday?

    After all, I am an autumn girl at heart and there’s really nothing like a gloomy weather day to make me feel calm and relaxed. We’ve probably a few summery days still ahead of us, but we are headed for cosy season and I am so here for it.

  • When life gives you lemons, take a break 🍋

    When life gives you lemons, take a break 🍋

    I’d reached that level of tired where everything was making me cry. In the warm evenings, I felt even more hot and bothered than I usually would. I felt constantly hungry and run down, but didn’t really fancy eating anything either. Smoothies became my best friend – I find when I’m low on energy having lazy pre-made smoothie in the fridge can really help pull me through.

    I’ve got five days off work in total, the weekend included. I felt better the minute I left the office on Thursday. I knew I was feeling more myself, because I spent the whole journey home looking forward to tucking into a big ol’ portion of pasta bake.

    Friday was for catching up on jobs around the flat, although not before I’d watched all five new episodes of Emily in Paris. – It was amazing! I swear it just keeps getting better season after season and it was the perfect dose of life in Paris after the Olympics left me craving a visit.

    Yesterday, Dave and I went into town to grab a cheap lunch, watch the football and have a wander. It was sunny, but not too hot and the flower beds around town were looking lovelier than ever. It felt so nice to just be able to spend a Saturday on home turf and we had such a good afternoon, even if the pub’s TV kept losing signal at crucial moments.

    Today we’re up and at ’em and off to my grandparents for lunch with them and my immediate family and then we’re popping in to see a couple of our closest friends and their adorable little man, who just turned two. 

    And tomorrow?… *Drum roll please* Tomorrow I’m going to see Taylor Swift at Wembley!!

    Confession – I’m not a massive Swiftie. One of my best friends and I decided it’d be a super fun way to celebrate turning 30, but neither of us know Taylor’s library inside and out. We got through high school together listening to Taylor’s early hits on repeat and obsessing over how cute the music video for ‘You Belong with Me’ was. But unlike most Swifties, we haven’t been studying the line ups of her other recent shows, we’ve been swiping past every TikTok video from her tour so far and we’re looking forward to being surprised. I have a feeling therefore that we have no idea what we’re in for and we are going to be absolutely blown away. I feel so incredibly lucky to be in a position to be able to go and I’ve no doubt I will cry many tears.

    It’s been impossible not to pick up on the fact that friendship bracelets are a must, so we are going to make some of those. I’m so excited to be sat at hers tomorrow, making our bracelets, listening to Taylor and experiencing that pre-concert buzz that is unlike anything else.

    Right now though? It’s time to hit the road for my grandparents and the early start has hit me a little harder than expected. Whilst I felt so much lighter leaving the office on Thursday night, my butterflies this morning feel like a gentle reminder that I still need to take care. Tiredness doesn’t go away just like that.

    Early start aside, a day at my grandparents may be exactly what I need. My Granny’s roast is better than any other, her garden is most beautiful in the summer and it’ll be so lovely to see everyone.

    It’s a couple of hours drive in the car to get there – I wonder how Dave would feel about a couple of hours spent shuffling Taylor Swift songs on Spotify. There’s nothing better than music when you need a little boost.

  • Daydreamer 💭

    Daydreamer 💭

    I Just Turned Thirty and There Are Some Exciting Life Changes Ahead: I’m Trying to Stay Present and Make the Most of This Summer while Dreaming of a Future House with a Garden.

    I’ve been trying my absolute hardest not to grumble about the heat this week and I’ve felt better for finding a way to be positive about the fact it’s summer. And that’s not to say I haven’t loved all of the autumnal content popping up from my fellow autumn/winter lovelies, but embracing summer and all the joyous things that come with it has helped to turn my frown upside down.

    I’ve enjoyed iced coffees and sandals and summer dresses and hummus and salad and smoothies. I’ve always loved seeing green leaves against blue skies and I’ve spent more time outside this week, which has meant I’ve been able to appreciate clear skies to the fullest.

    I really don’t want to wish the time away, but I’ve also spent a lot of time day-dreaming about what life will be like if we can find ourselves a house with a garden that we can afford. It’s looking like that could be on the cards for us at the end of this year and I’m so excited. It’s the little things that would make summer with a garden even better… Tea or coffee outside in the fresh morning air. BBQ food for dinner with friends or family. The cats rolling in the grass and playing amongst the trees.

    There’s little things about simply living in a house too… Going upstairs to go to bed and back downstairs in the morning. Having bins at the end of the front garden and a slot for post in the front door, so the post just lands on the hallway mat. Hopefully, being able to pop cut flowers in a vase on the kitchen table without worrying about the cats, who will have already dined on the grass outside.

    Oh dear, there I go again.

    I love our flat and I really am determined to make the most of our remaining time here, however long that is, but it’s okay to daydream about the future too I reckon. As long as you remember to come back to the present frequently enough to enjoy the now as well. Right now for example, I’m curled up in my comfiest PJs, I’ve a cup of tea on the go and I’m looking forward to a day with family. Happy Sunday all!