Blogging Goodbye to Butterflies

Tag: adventure

  • All Storms Really Do Pass

    All Storms Really Do Pass

    Honestly? This week wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. On Tuesday, returning to work after the bank holiday, I had a really rubbish brain day. My head was full of fluff and anxiety and everything felt difficult. I stumbled through, but by the end of it, I had a mighty tension headache and tears in my eyes. Luckily, I have some wonderful people around me who got me through and I went to sleep full of pasta and feeling more human.

    By Friday, I was headed into London for a day at the office and the butterflies were a distant memory. And things just got better from there. Being in the office rejuvenated me and left me feeling more motivated on the work front. Seeing some lovely colleagues gave me a proper boost too. And then Friday night we saw some friends who never fail to chill me out and make me smile. I woke up yesterday morning full of beans and ready to enjoy a night away with Dave.

    I woke up this Sunday morning to the sound of rain hammering away on the wooden roof of the glamping pod we were staying in. Boiling the kettle to make a cup of tea, to sip in front of the rainy window, felt like the perfect way to welcome in Autumn.

    Now we’re home and the flat is as warm as it was in the summer, even with the blinds doing their best to keep the sun at bay and us cool. I don’t mind too much though. I’m in a comfy dress with a glass of water on the go and the memories of our cosy morning still fresh in my mind.

    And so there you have it: All storms really do pass. And if you’re feeling sucky right now, take care of yourself, reach out for support and trust the process. You’ll find the fog will clear and one day soon you’ll feel a bit more like facing whatever is in your path. And I hope at that point, some good stuff comes your way and makes you smile too.

  • Travelling With Butterflies: Navigating Anxiety Whilst Abroad

    Travelling With Butterflies: Navigating Anxiety Whilst Abroad

    Back on home turf and reflecting on an incredible weekend away in Italy spent sticking a middle finger up at all of the anxious thoughts that told me I couldn’t enjoy it.

    Travelling feels daunting to most of us regardless of our mental wellness. I think it’s natural. As someone who struggles with anxiety a lot, it can be even more scary.

    In advance, I worried about whether things would be awkward between me and the friend I was travelling with. I worried about running out of money or whether the trip would be worth the money I’d already spent. I felt super nervous about not being able to fluently speak the language and about being so far from home. I worried about having an anxiety attack and not being able to get to somewhere where I’d feel safe.

    And that was all no doubt exasperated by the fact it’s been ages since I left the UK. Many of us have spent more time at home during the pandemic than ever before and if you’re anything like me, you’ve gotten used to living in your comfort zone.

    As an overthinker, I get a foggy head in high anxiety situations. And this happens more frequently in unknown territory.

    For the first few days of the holiday, I valued time in my hotel room to recharge and I found it hard to ground myself whilst out and about exploring. That first day of travelling was the most stressful. I felt hot and tense and flustered for most of it. When I landed in Verona, just getting the bus into the town centre was nearly too much. The bus conductor got stroppy with me when I approached him for a ticket, having not noticed the ticket machine at the bus stop and that alone had me wanting to board a flight straight back to rainy London.

    I knew I was getting there when I started to notice the little things. There was a moment at the end of a long day in Venice when I looked up from where I was sat, waiting for a water taxi, took a deep breath and just took in the view.

    From there on in, it was like the butterflies decided they needed a rest from flapping. Almost as though they’d worked double time for the first half of the holiday and couldn’t keep it up any longer. And so, I can genuinely say I relaxed for the last few days.

    I wish I could say exactly what I did to get through the anxiety and out the other side. I guess the main thing I’d advise you to do is be patient with yourself. I’m glad I didn’t beat myself up when I found the first few days tough. I didn’t overthink or stress when I couldn’t finish my dinner or found myself lingering in my hotel room for longer than planned. And in the end, the gentle approach got me through.

    And I’m so proud. Proud of finding the courage to travel again even when it felt daunting and excited for all of the travels still to come. There’s hope for all of us anxious folk yet. I promise!

  • To New Beginnings

    This year was for being daring, right?

    I put an offer down on a flat with Dave, we got it, I handed in my notice at work, two weeks later we’ve got the keys and I’m moving to Watford!

    I’m moving into a new flat, in a new town and I’m going to be living like a real-life adult! For the first time in forever, Dave and I won’t be in a long distance relationship. Quite the opposite, we’ll be seeing each other every day (I hope he knows what he’s in for). The flat is lovely and my job at the restaurant may be fun, but it was never forever. Call me irresponsible, but I ran out of reasons not to go for it and so I did, I said yes and I couldn’t be happier.

    Saying that, I’m currently sat in the middle of my floor, staring at my wardrobe and willing the clothes to fold and pack themselves. This leaving home malarky is as stressful as it is exciting and it is very exciting! Perhaps packing clothes can wait for now. With the help of my mum and a good friend I’ve made a lot of progress today anyway!

    I hate to say it, but I think that’s a wrap on chapter two. No sad faces here though, this ending is the start of an exciting new beginning. Next time I write I should be in the flat! I’m smiling hugely just at the thought of it. Chapter three begins soon. Bring it on.