Blogging Goodbye to Butterflies

Tag: butterflies

  • Swinging away the butterflies ðŸŽ¶

    Swinging away the butterflies ðŸŽ¶

    The first half of this week was full of butterflies and nauseating tummy flutters and a night of jazz helped me see them off just in time for the weekend.

    Filling in my planner Monday morning, I popped ‘inhale confidence, exhale doubt’ on my list of priorities. I knew already that I’d need to believe in myself to tackle the week ahead.

    In moments of anxiety and nausea it was harder to prioritise time to breathe but I did manage to find enough confidence to get through two days at the office and some really important meetings. I’m learning to remember that confidence and butterflies aren’t mutually exclusive – in fact, it takes confidence to take life on with butterflies in tow.

    I finished ‘Daisy Jones & the Six’ by Taylor Jenkins-Reid this week, because I spent quite a lot of time reading (which also helped with the nerves). When I headed to update Instagram and my Goodreads account, I was so close to rating it 5 out of 5, but landed on a 4 in the end – I loved it and I’m so grateful for the respite it’s given me whilst I’ve been reading it, but it’s not going down as one of my absolute faves. This doesn’t mean I wouldn’t recommend it, in fact I definitely would! I’d recommend the Amazon TV show too – the music is BRILLIANT.

    Speaking of music, a night of jazz on Thursday helped me say good riddance to the butterflies once and for all… A fab friend and I headed to Alfie’s Soho for a jam night. Right in the heart of Soho’s jazz scene and just around the corner from Ronnie Scott’s, Alfie’s is up a flight of stairs, dimly lit with candles and crammed full of stools and chairs. We had a great time escaping for the evening. We were left absolutely in awe of the musicians, who rocked up with their instruments, took to the stage without knowing the other musicians around them and played jazz with them as if they’d been playing together for years. I did a whole module on the history of Jazz at uni and yet I don’t think I’d ever actually seen it performed like this. It was very cool!

    If you’ve been following along long enough, you may remember that La La Land is my absolute favourite film in all of the world and that I LOVE London. To be sat in a jazz bar, not too different from Seb’s, in the middle of Soho made me feel all kinds of happy and grateful.

    The butterflies are just starting to creep back in today, but Friday night was spent eating pasta bake and watching the Olympic opening ceremony and the rest of the weekend has been spent with some of our closest friends and their little ones and so I do feel rejuvenated. Hoping this week might be a little less butterfly-full, but also feeling safe in the knowledge that I’ll be okay either way. After all, I’ve now got over 30 years of living behind me and time and time again I’ve proved that my anxiety can’t hold me back.

  • New Job Nerves

     

    “Today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present.”

    My mum’s ironing and singing the Strictly Come Dancing theme tune. My dad’s fixing a hole in one of the bedroom ceilings. I’m studying. Yep, that’s right, I’ve finally made a start on the music therapy reading. I’m finding it SO interesting which is a really good sign I think. From the looks of it my sister is studying too. She’s got GCSEs this year. I do not envy her. My brother’s still away at uni. Goodness do I miss him.

    My auntie’s popping by in a bit to say hello. I’m off to the cinema this afternoon with one of my best friends to see Bridget Jones’ Baby, which is supposed to be hilarious! I hope it lives up to expectations. I’ll let you know. AND roast dinner’s still on the cards for this evening. It is Sunday after all.

    Still trying to remember to take things a day at a time. I think looking too far ahead is especially dangerous on Sundays when the Sunday scaries are looming and anxiety is waiting to pounce. Right now, the thought of working a whole week in this school makes me so nervous. The pupils are lovely, the staff are amazing, it’s a great school, everything I’m going to be doing there is so relevant to my music therapy studies and I’ve so much to learn from them all, but I just cannot shake the butterflies! I do hope they enjoyed meeting me. More than anything I just don’t want to be rubbish at the job.

    I’ve now also taken a weekend job at a restaurant in town and I’m so excited about that. Having a little extra money coming in will be excellent and I’ve always enjoyed working in hospitality. Fingers crossed funding a music therapy masters will become a real possibility and I’ll have a lot of fun too.

    Hopefully when I’m blogging this time next week the millions of butterflies I’m battling now will be a distant memory and I’ll have had the best of weeks. One day at a time. First things first, pick up my pen and get back to my books. Today’s a good day.

  • Singing goodbye to butterflies in the shower

    Caught myself singing in the shower, wondered ’round with a towel turban on my head, left my stuff all over the sofa while I went out last night, sung opera in my bedroom AND let my iTunes music shuffle freely without cringing when The Circle of Life started playing. One week here and it feels like home already.

    Feels so good to be sat on an actual sofa, curled up among the cushions writing this post with a cup of tea on the go. Being a fresher, sat on my bed hiding from the outside world, feels like a distant memory. As does nervously heading to the communal space in our university halls and sitting on a hard, plastic chair at the kitchen table.

    Life as a second year student so far has been different to life as a fresher in so many ways…

    As soon as I wake up in the morning I come downstairs in my pyjamas.

    My bedroom door here is almost always open and so are everyone else’s.

    Heading out in the evenings is easy now we know where to head and on which nights.

    I know the quickest route into town and into university and back, and I didn’t have to try three different routes to find the best.

    I feel so much more comfortable living with my friends, in a beautiful city that I now know and love.

    We may still be lacking internet and our washing machine may be broken, but the butterflies that lived in my stomach permanently last year seem to have temporarily fallen asleep this year already. Who would have thought it!? Now to conquer the world.