Blogging Goodbye to Butterflies

Tag: changing

  • Thirty and Thriving ðŸ™Œ

    Thirty and Thriving ðŸ™Œ

    It’s Sunday, the sun is shining and we’ve a roast dinner cooking away – nothing makes me happier than a day like this one. We’ve got family staying, I’m one beer down and I’m feeling more chilled than I have in ages. (Besides the football nerves of course – it’s been a nervy couple of weeks for England fans across the country and tonight’s game could be a turning point. Yes, I’m remaining optimistic!)

    My 30th has been and gone and it was FAB, but unfortunately it did coincide with a particularly stressful time at work and between full-on working days and celebrations I’ve barely had a moment to breathe.

    It always says something when I’m feeling like writing again. It says I’m coming out of the other side, my brain is clear of fog and the butterflies are less consuming. Hooray to that and thanks for sticking with me while Chapter Seven hit pause for a short while.

    Even full of brain fog and butterflies, 30 has brought with it a new confidence for me.

    I confess, I had a mini-meltdown on my birthday eve. All I could think was how much I hadn’t done yet. Suddenly my biggest regret in all the world was not having run a half marathon for example, in spite of the fact I’ve never enjoyed running and I’ve never even completed Couch to 5K. BUT since then, I’ve found being 30 somehow has me feeling like I can own my space more and like I’ve earned the right to live authentically and with confidence.

    Thirty has me ordering whisky neat, popping prosecco open without faffing and aiming higher at work and I’m excited to see how long I can ride this wave for.

    I’m so grateful to every person who chose to celebrate with me. I felt so loved throughout my birthday celebrations and there can be no doubt that’s brought me closer to the place I’m in now.

    Now, I know age is just a number. And if you’re reading this in your early twenties, please don’t let your age stop you from owning your space right now. Or if you’re way past 30 and still not feeling confident, please don’t let this make you feel you’re behind – you’re wonderful as you are and everyone is on their own timeline.

    But if you’re reading this on your approach to thirty, worried about reaching the milestone without having done everything you expected, please know that it’s not an ending. It’s just the beginning and there’s so much to be excited about yet. Celebrate all that you have achieved and own your space knowing you’re going into life’s next chapter with more wisdom than you’ve ever had before. In my timeline, I’ve a feeling thirty is where I start to come into my own.

  • You May Never Really Find Yourself ðŸŒ¸

    You May Never Really Find Yourself ðŸŒ¸

    Spring is in the air and I can gradually feel my energy levels rising. I’m sure I’m not alone. There’s something about living longer days, seeing growing buds on trees and smelling freshly cut grass that just boosts those happy hormones.

    Chapter Seven has been on the horizon for a while. Not only have I felt more like eating healthy, getting active and smiling since March came around, it’s also felt like time to get writing again.

    The title of this post might seem a little gloomy. For me, it’s hopeful; it’s about letting go of the need to perfect yourself.

    This blog was started by a Bronwen on a mission to find herself. Growing up we’re sold this lie that some day we’ll find ourselves and all will be right in the world. Especially as you reach adulthood, there’s so much talk of finding yourself, i.e. figuring out who you are and what you want in life. We’re told that until you truly find yourself, your relationships won’t be as meaningful and you’ll find it harder to make life’s biggest decisions.

    A load of rubbish.

    I come to you now as a 29 year old Bronwen, still learning new things about myself every day, always changing, growing and evolving and realising I may never really find myself.

    And that’s okay.

    We evolve because life is constantly changing and we change with it. Sometimes the scariest thing about change, is how much it threatens to change you as the person you’ve come to know. Change is hard for a huge number of reasons. Among those, there can be a huge pressure to align the new you, in new circumstances with the old versions of yourself. It can feel like you’re losing your identity.

    And it can feel like if you lose your identity, you’re going to lose the people around you too, because you feel like the people who love you, loved a specific version of you. And that can be suuuuper scary.

    But lately I’m learning there’s nothing wrong with adapting. Some days I love tea and books. Some days I want to drink coffee and binge Gossip Girl. Some days I am sunshiney, but some days I am the opposite.

    Being multiple things can be hardest of all in a social media world where we’re told to pick a box in order to find an online community, gain a following or to simply fill out our bio.

    Most of all, I think I finally get that we need to know that we can count on the people in our life to enjoy watching us change and grow. Maybe this just comes with age and experience? Maybe eventually we all find freedom to evolve and learn that the people who stick around are the people who count?

    Introducing Chapter Seven – the chapter in which I’ll be turning 30! (Eeeek!) In this chapter I may well contradict myself, I may change, I might not seem to have everything figured out, but I’ll ramble freely and share what wisdom I can as always.

    And I’ll carry on celebrating the little things, because that’s one thing about me I hope will never change. Although of course it may.