Blogging Goodbye to Butterflies

Tag: Family

  • Festive Season Butterflies: Finding peace at the busiest time of the year 🎄

    Festive Season Butterflies: Finding peace at the busiest time of the year 🎄

    This morning was meant to be a slow morning. Yesterday was spent running in and out of shops getting the last of our Christmas presents and then putting our tree up, before flopping in front of the Strictly Come Dancing final with a glass of red. When we eventually flopped, I felt so happy at the thought of a lazy evening and a lazy morning to follow it.

    Then, disappointingly, I woke up at 6 am with a head full of anxious thoughts. I restlessly snoozed for a couple more hours before giving in and getting up to get myself a cup of tea. I found that, even curled up on the sofa looking at our lovely little Christmas tree, I couldn’t chill. I reviewed my to-do list to confirm to myself there was nothing urgent that needed actioning, but even that didn’t work. 08;45 came around and with that, my prompt to fill in my gratitude journal for the day and yet, even a moment of gratitude didn’t calm my anxious brain.

    Isn’t this time of year the most wonderful and the most stressful all at once!?

    If you’re anything like me, one moment you’re joyfully singing along to Mariah Carey and then the next you’re panic shopping for little extras in the Christmassy aisle of your local supermarket or re-doing your sums in a panic that you’ve not budgeted correctly after all and you’re going to find yourself bankrupt by Christmas Eve.

    I love this time of year. I really do. The twinkling lights everywhere you go. The Christmas songs playing in every shop and on the radio whenever you get in the car. The quality time with family and friends. The glorious amount of food and drink for those of us who are privileged enough. The general cheer.

    I even love the Winter. The late sunrises which on a clear day can fill your home with sunlight. The dark, gloomy evenings spent chilling with candles lit. The woolen jumpers and socks and hats that help us keep warm. I think that’s one of the reasons this time of year can be so hard in the more anxious moments. The days are short, the weather is cold and yet, instead of cosying down we can find ourselves feeling obligated to get out and about more than ever. This can lead to tiredness, which can niggle away at our mental health.

    I also totally buy into the concept of rounding off one year and then entering another and I enjoy that process. I think it’s important to rest and reflect before diving head first into another year of resolutions and adventures. But at the busiest time of year, it’s hard to make time to rest and reflect and before we know it, Christmas can come and go without us having taken a single moment to properly savour it or plan for what’s ahead.

    And so, I think it’s about finding peace where you can and if peace doesn’t come easily, persisting until you find a way.

    In the end, after I’d filled in my gratitude journal, I grabbed myself a bowl of cereal and scrolled through Spotify in search of something festive yet calming, that might help me get some rest. I stumbled upon Nora Jones’ Christmas album and finally caught my breath. She’s been keeping me steady ever since and I’m now thoroughly enjoying typing away whilst sipping another cup of tea.

    For those who have been keeping up with Chapter Seven, BIG NEWS! Dave and I have found a house which we really love! There’s a long way to go yet until it’s officially ours, but we’re over the moon and very excited. We’ve also started the extremely daunting conveyancing process, which of course means there are all sorts of other things cluttering up my anxious brain at the moment.

    Which brings me to my final point…

    It’s not just Christmas. Life goes on throughout the festive season. And keeping up with life on top of all of the wonderful festivities can be A LOT. So, give yourself grace. Listen to the calmer Christmas music. Light a candle and watch the flame for a little while. Turn the Christmas Tree lights on and day dream. Whatever you’ve got going on this year, find some peace where you can and remember to look after yourself.

  • Life doesn’t stop because you’re house hunting 🏘️

    Life doesn’t stop because you’re house hunting 🏘️

    Dave and I’s first day of house viewings was a little disheartening, but the second day (crammed full of twice as many viewings) was much more promising. We’ve not found our future home yet, but we have gotten to a point where we’re much more clued up on what our actual deal breakers are and what we love in a house.

    I genuinely went into our search thinking all we needed was any house with a roof, walls, three bedrooms and a garden. I’d never really paid much attention to how different houses are. We’ve seen so many different types of 3 bedroom house and it turns out it’s all so much more complicated.

    I’ve gone from impatiently revisiting every Rightmove listing wondering if there’s a house we’ve overlooked or could make work, to realising that we should take this slow. We’re in the extremely privileged position of being able to take our time searching and I think that’d be the first bit of advice I’d give to anyone looking to buy a home – if you have the luxury of time, don’t rush it.

    Another reason to take it slow is that, life hasn’t stopped for the house search. And for a little while there, I was definitely overdoing it. Work has been busy as ever and there’s been a lot else exciting going on besides us scrolling Rightmove on the daily. In fact, it’s been a hectic few weeks since I last wrote.

    My Dad and I road tripped up to Manchester to see my little brother and his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago. They live in this super cool flat, on the one-from-the-top floor of a block of flats, with incredible views of the Manchester city skyline. We spent two days eating yummy food, catching up on life and seeing some of the sights. I started to feel a little poorly while we were there and was grateful to be with family, able to take things in my stride – on the Saturday afternoon, when I ran out of energy all together, we all went back to the flat to cosy down with tea and snacks and watch the most random movie on Disney +.

    It was just a cold. I thought I was going to be able to push through a week working from home when Monday came around, but it actually hit me pretty hard! By Wednesday, I was crying on the sofa feeling totally drained and too snotty to mention.

    I did thankfully recover in time for our second lot of house viewings that weekend.

    Then, this week just gone, Dave and I’s boiler broke down. The pressure dropped, the error light came on, we reported the fault and next thing we knew, an engineer was sticking a ‘DO NOT USE’ warning sticker on the front of it and telling us we’d need a replacement. I had two cold showers in the time it was out of action and I must say, whilst I will probably never choose to do it again (especially not in autumn) I did feel the benefits you always hear about.,, I felt energised and refreshed and I’m sure my hair was softer too.

    The new boiler was fitted on Friday and I’m incredibly grateful to be living in a home with hot water again.

    Yesterday, I spent a wonderfully autumnal day at Kew with one of my best friends. We wandered among the trees and leaves, caught up on life, drank tea and cake and finished the day with red wine and pie at a pub nearby.

    And now here I am. Curled up on the sofa at the end of a very lazy day, but still shattered. Looking forward to an evening eating chicken, broccoli and roast potatoes and catching up on Strictly Come Dancing. Can you imagine an evening more wholesome?

  • Let her sleep for when she wakes she will move mountains

    Today is my grandad’s and my sister’s birthday. Waking up this morning and jumping out of bed to give them my birthday wishes made me so happy.

    I’ve been at work for most of the afternoon so I’m now feasting on left over birthday cake and drinking the last of the red wine. I did feel a little down about the fact I had to work, but all in all I think it’s worked out okay: I got home in time to see them blow out their birthday candles and it seems to me the two of them have had really lovely days. Well deserved too!

    It’s been another long and busy week. Not all work this week though. Managed to fit in an afternoon with the Alzheimer’s Society, an evening with Dave and a couple of evenings with friends. Spent Thursday night drinking cocktails which made a very nice change from carrying them on trays.

    Can’t quite believe how quickly Christmas is coming up. Going to have to start making some time for Christmas shopping too. Can definitely tell winter is on the way. I’ve attached the fur back onto the hood of my coat, my scarf rack is out from behind the cupboard and so are my winter boots.

    Another busy week ahead, for now I’m just looking forward to an early night. Bed’s going to feel amazing – it always does when you’re tired, especially when you’ve had a glass of wine.

  • Expert Procrastinator

    Sat at my desk doing nothing other than daydreaming out of my window and singing along to my shuffling iTunes library. There is so much I should be doing. My room looks like a small bomb hit it. I’m sat next to a pile of books so high I’m surprised I managed to transport it from Cardiff to home. My head is filled with dates for my diary that I haven’t been writing down.

    Home comforts are beautiful, but they turn me into an incredibly lazy individual.

    I headed back to Cardiff with my Mum for a couple of days last week. I needed to be back so that I could hand a music assignment in, but I wasn’t ready to head back permanently just yet. My mum hadn’t seen my new flat. She hadn’t even spent much time in Cardiff itself: The last time she came to visit she spontaneously turned up for an afternoon just after my 19th birthday… We crammed a lunch, a catch up, a shopping trip and student-style dinner into what felt like five minutes and then she headed home again.

    This time, we spent two days tea drinking, restaurant dining, musical-seeing (Priscilla Queen of the Desert is a must-see; it had me smiling all the way through), drink sharing, Wetherspoons’ breakfast eating, sight-seeing, friend visiting, assignment handing in-ing AND shopping.

    I have now bought myself one more week at home to get organised, catch up on all of my reading, spend time with my family, see any friends still left in Chelmsford and eat as much food as is bronwenly possible.

    Hoping I’ll feel ready to head back once moving day comes around. I’m sure I will.

  • There’s no place like home

    It felt like the entirety of my weekend at home had been nothing more than a dream when I woke up this morning; the horribly stressful journey back to Cardiff being the disastrous ending that finally woke me up. It feels like I went to sleep after the Halloween party last Thursday and I’ve been asleep ever since. A big part of me wants to curl up and go back to dreaming of home so I don’t have to face today. Today is my first day at work and the day of my first rehearsal for my first concert of the semester. Today is terrifying.

    Friday morning I wasn’t anywhere near as excited as I expected to be. I woke up with the biggest smile on my face, but only because the night before had been such great fun. I was happy because Halloween had been amazing and it hadn’t quite clicked that a megabus was going to take me home that afternoon. I got up, got ready and headed out to hand in my first music assignment of the year. I daydreamed my way through the entirety of my history lecture and then when I realised the time, half walked half ran home to pack. Time went by ridiculously quickly and before I knew it, I was sat on my bed eating my lunch as quickly as Bronwenly possible, because I knew I needed to get to the bus stop. In true Bronwen fashion I got half way up the road before realising I’d forgotten my purse and had to turn around to grab it. I caught the bus just as it was about to leave. The driver thankfully got down from his seat, smiled at me and let me chuck my bag in the hold. It took me six hours to get home, but when I did I was beyond happy. Home looked amazing and smelled amazing and my mum had left me a portion of chille con carne to reheat and eat when I got in.

    Saturday morning my mum woke me up with a cup of tea and asked if I fancied a drive out of Chelmsford to pick my sister up from a family friend’s house. At first it felt ridiculous to even consider leaving my warm and comfortable bed, especially now I had a cup of tea in hand. As it dawned on me that this was day 1 of 2 at home I began to change my mind. I didn’t want to waste anymore time in bed. I jumped in the shower, my mum made us the most amazing breakfast and then we jumped in the car. I think I had forgotten just how much I love being behind the steering wheel. The drive left me on cloud nine. I spent the whole journey head bobbing and steering wheel tapping without shame. We joined our friends for a coffee in Costa before heading back. Sat with my mum and our family friends, drinking a Costa Caramel Latte I was ridiculously happy. I spent the afternoon being the laziest I’ve been in weeks and my dad ordered pizza in for dinner. We went to see the Fireworks display in Danbury (a Maggs family tradition at this time of year) and as usual it was incredible. Stood linking arms with my mum and brother, my dad with his arm around my sister just in front of us, I felt like I had the leading role in the very happy ending to a film. I was really ill when I got home, my guess is the cold got to me and the tiredness hit too. I missed out on joining some of my friends at the pub and had to head to bed at eleven before it felt like I had quite made the most of my day.

    I got up fairly early again on Sunday, feeling much better after sleeping. It felt like I’d never left: I helped myself to cereal and joined my mum in the lounge. She was watching a Christmas film. Normally I would have objected considering November has only just begun but I was drawn in when one of the characters announced he was banning Christmas and the sale of toys. My mum made an amazing lamb roast dinner, I went shopping for work trousers and before I knew it I was packing up and heading back to Cardiff again. Saying a temporary goodbye to my family once again made me feel just as sad as usual. The journey home was horrible: Trains were late, I was late, buses were late, it rained loads, I did the walk home in a complete daze thinking only of bed and of putting my heavy bag down.

    And then I woke up, back in Cardiff, curled up in bed as if I’d never been away.