Blogging Goodbye to Butterflies

Tag: loneliness

  • I look like I’ve got this: Everyone has their own stuff going on

    I look like I’ve got this: Everyone has their own stuff going on

    I hit rock bottom Wednesday morning. I felt extremely alone and I missed Dave terribly. I felt like I wasn’t going to be able to go on without things going back to the way they were. I couldn’t accept the change (even if temporary). And I didn’t want to either. I wanted to be able to pick up the phone and tell him to come home and yet, I knew I couldn’t and so I felt helpless. I ended up a blubbing mess on the phone to one of my best friends, who managed to convince me I could and would go on. Then my wonderful Dad came over and before long I was making chilli and feeling like myself again.

    And then on Thursday, I felt even better and I went into the office. I did my make up even better than I normally do and I washed my hair and I wore my new mom jeans, which make me feel super confident, and I realised people would have no idea. Everyone in the office was going to see me, all put together and think ‘woah, that girl’s got it down’.

    So, I know we’re making massive strides in mental health awareness all of the time, but in the spirit of reminding you that you’re never alone, even if everyone around you looks like they’re conquering life… I’ve had nice hair, but I’ve also had a bonkers, emotional, challenging couple of weeks and I do not got this.

    I should have known I’d find the first couple of weeks without Dave around hard. I know I don’t do well with change, but I had come up with a million reasons not to worry about it. I knew I’d miss him, but I thought video chat would help take the edge off. And I told myself that day to day life wouldn’t really be that different. I’ve always worked at home on my own on the week days, while Dave headed into the office. I don’t even really mind time alone. Right now, for example, I am thoroughly enjoying me time…

    I’m curled up with a cuppa, a box of chocs and Willow, who’s sat on my lap between me and my laptop making it incredibly hard for me to type. And yet, I couldn’t possibly move her. I’ve got my favourite Disney film on in the background – top marks for anyone who can guess which one in the comments.

    But there’s only so much me time a person needs and this is way harder than I realised it would be.

    I have no doubt there are going to continue to be ups and downs, but I’m going to try to make the best of every day, just like I resolved to when 2023 first came around. And that means, reading and singing and walking and doing some yoga. And apparently I should get into some podcasts to combat the loneliness too?

  • Christmas during a global pandemic: This is not easy

    Christmas during a global pandemic: This is not easy

    Christmas in the UK is not going to be as planned and whether you’re directly affected by the changes announced yesterday or not, the news we’re now hearing is not easy to receive.

    At the end of a year when we’re all feeling lonely, tired and mentally exhausted and many of us heartbroken after the loss of loved ones or fearful for loved ones who are unwell, we’ve just been told things are worse than ever out there. We’re being told to stay home as much as possible and we’re being told that, at a time when we would usually be seeing as many family members and friends as humanely possible, we should be seeing very few, in some cases none at all.

    So, I don’t know who needs to hear it, but this is not easy. Cut yourself some slack.

    Firstly, today put ‘watch upbeat, cheerful film’ on your to-do list. Writing a to-do list is a very helpful way of taking control back and of giving yourself something to work towards, something you can pat yourself on the back for having achieved at the end of the day. Today, try and put stuff on the to-do list that you actually want to do. Add ‘read a book’ to your to-do list so that you can reward yourself for just having done that. On days like today, anything you choose to do other than sitting staring at the wall is an achievement – It’s not easy to do the things you enjoy when you’re feeling blue.

    Get outside today. Whether you want to or not, once you’re out and about you’ll feel so much better. Remember that you are not trapped in your home. You are allowed to walk about, run about, exercise outside as much as you want to and being outside is so good for your mental health. Take advantage of the freedom you do have.

    Reach out to loved ones and friends today. Let them know you’re there (to all my family and friends reading, please please pick up the phone if you need). Also go to family members and friends today, even if you don’t feel like talking. A phone call can solve a multitude of things, even if you go into a conversation not exactly sure what you want or need to get out of it. I know from experience that rambling onto a willing person over the phone can allow you to let go of emotions you weren’t even sure how to process by yourself.

    All of that said, if you feel like doing nothing at all do that instead and do not feel guilty for it either. Watch a film, don’t watch a film. Read a book, don’t read a book. Get outside, don’t get outside. Do whatever you need to today to make yourself feel better. This is far from easy, but you’re not alone.

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