Blogging Goodbye to Butterflies

Tag: travel

  • ‘A Sky Full of Stars’: Tales from a long weekend camping in Dartmouth✨

    ‘A Sky Full of Stars’: Tales from a long weekend camping in Dartmouth✨

    This morning I put a torch in the washing machine. I was just finally getting around to doing the last of our dirty washing from our camping trip last weekend and when I heard the clunking, my first thought was that one of us might have picked a pebble up off the beach and left it in a pocket. When I got to the machine though, I could see the end of our torch whizzing around in circles between the clothes, loudly hitting the outside of the machine every now and again.

    I hit the pause button immediately, but even with the machine on pause, the door didn’t open. Next thing I know, I’m on the phone to my Dad, we’re both reading the machine’s manual online and we’re coming to the conclusion that we’re just going to have to let the machine run until the first cycle is over and it can drain. At one point, the water triggered the switch on the torch and the light came on, so that I could see it whizzing around even clearer than before, like a menacing under water disco light. Eventually the cycle ended, the water drained, I hit pause and thankfully, I was able to open the door and retrieve the torch. Now just to figure out how to safely dispose of it, given it will most likely never be safe to use again.

    Luckily, packing for camping went much better than unpacking has. Between us, we really had thought of everything. We filled the car with shoes, canvas bags, portable chargers, towels, snacks, clothes, jackets, sleeping bags, duvets, yoga mats and blankets and off we went. We’d been invited to a join family on a camp site in Dartmouth for a weekend of 60th birthday celebrations and we had such a good time.

    From the moment we arrived, I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders. I always love being by the sea and Dartmouth is a particularly lovely seaside town. We enjoyed ice cream and fish and chips galore. We walked up and down a pebbled beach with the happiest of dogs in tow. We went and explored Agatha Christie’s holiday home and I got to play her grand piano!

    Perhaps unsurprisingly, given we were camping in England in September, we dealt with sunshine, rain, wind and cold and yet we made the best of things. When some noisy sheep disrupted our sleep on night one, we left the tent to head to the campsite toilets only to look up and see a deep, dark, beautiful sky full of stars. When we got caught out in the rain on day two, I found myself smiling hugely making my way down a footpath with my backpack on and brolly held high, reminded of rainy, English childhood holidays. And when the wind hammered on the side of the biggest tent on day three, I felt cosier than ever sat in a deck chair, sipping red wine and playing card games.

    All of that said, we returned home more grateful than ever for our bed and our super cosy sofa. And now it’s hard to believe a whole ‘nother week has gone by. In spite of lack of sleep, camping did leave me feeling refreshed and I found myself back at work with a fresh perspective this week. I took it in my stride a little more and was more productive as a result.

    On Thursday, I was out and about in London and was reminded just how much I love the city. Yesterday, my best friend and I were at Welwyn Garden City’s world food fest, enjoying everything from South African to Greek. And today? Today’s a chill day and I find myself feeling tired, but grateful. There’s so much to love about this little life of mine. We’re very quickly headed for my favourite time of year and I’m determined to make the most of it.

  • Memories and DMCs 🥹

    Memories and DMCs 🥹

    Last week was a tough one at work. Emotions were high and with a high workload in the mix too, it was hard to switch off. But a wise person told me not to underestimate the power of regular mini breaks. And of using those breaks to identify tension and do something about it – relax those shoulders, move those wrists, stretch that aching back. It worked wonders.

    Work being stressful also had me craving more sleep and snoozing that alarm, until I realised that was the opposite of what I needed and in fact, an early start would make me feel much better.

    Not only did I get up earlier from Wednesday onwards, I also treated myself to Curiously Cinnamon cereal, because it was on offer and I knew it’d bring me joy when enjoyed with a cup of tea and cat cuddles.

    It’s weeks like this one, which make me realise just how far I’ve come from the 17 year old who got her first job as a runner at a Mexican restaurant and cried when the chef shouted at her for not shouting loudly enough at him when firing the fajitas. Or the Bronwen who got butterflies every day before her admin job at a brickwork company.

    One month and one day until I turn 30.

    I’m excited to head into my 31st year of life, but I can’t help reflecting on the last 30 too. I keep scrolling through old photos on my phone and sharing them with my nearest and dearest – I think my friends may already be sick of receiving photos captioned with crying face emojis.

    The last year alone has contained so many ups and downs, so many memories and so much growth. The instagrammers among you may have seen that this week marked one whole year since I flew out to Los Angeles to see Dave after we had spent months apart.

    I learned so much from that experience – from where to find the best burgers in LA and where to watch the sunset to how strong Dave and I are as individuals and as partners.

    FYI – The best burgers in LA can be found at In-N-Out Burger. And whilst you’ll no doubt find it crowded with people doing the same thing, the sunset from the Griffith Observatory is one of a kind. Thank me later.

  • Fake it ’til you make it 🍹

    Fake it ’til you make it 🍹

    My cheeks feel warm and rosy, in that way they only do after a couple of days out in the sunshine. Those chilly gale force winds seem to have passed through and this weekend has been verging on summery!

    It turns out Angel, Islington is the perfect place to spend a sunny Saturday afternoon. Yesterday was spent window shopping, brunch eating and wandering around with a bestie and what felt like the entire population of London. So many people had decided Angel was the place to be! People watching on the train on the way in, I couldn’t help noticing how energised people were by the sunshine. I noticed some people had proceeded with caution – opting for layers – whilst others had gone full steam ahead into flip-flops, dresses and summer hats. My outfit landed somewhere in the middle and I was grateful for my cardigan by the end of the day.

    I was certain I’d been to Angel before, but if I have I’ve clearly never stumbled upon the markets and the cute shops because I’d have remembered if I had. I was absolutely in my element! I could have bought the entire contents of one particularly cute book shop and nearly everything in an independent home store.

    We were in Angel to view a space above a pub, which we’re booking to celebrate our 30th birthdays in. It’s absolutely perfect and I’m now more excited about my birthday than ever. We both left absolutely buzzing and headed straight to a pub with outside seating for an Aperol Spritz each and a couple of glasses of wine.

    I spent today wandering around town with another bestie, fuelled by coffee and nattering about work, life and all that we have to look forward to over the next few years.

    It really feels like we’re proper grown ups nowadays. And yet there’s still so much I’m trying to figure out. On one hand, I can’t wait for what’s to come – I know I cannot wait to buy a house and decorate it the way I like, but on the other, I’ve quite enjoyed renting free from worries about decorating and handling repairs. I feel almost ready to be a Mum, but at times I can barely handle worrying about the cats. Sometimes I feel like I’m really acing it at work and others I feel like I’m just faking it till I make it. I walked down the Superdrug make-up aisle today and realised I may know which mascaras I like and don’t like, but I’ve still no idea how to use lip liner or a highlighter pen. I can walk into a pub and confidently browse the wine menu, but I’ll still pay closer attention to the prices than the descriptions of the wines themselves.

    I guess even when you’re all grown up, you’re always learning hey? It’s kind of comforting to think that being an adult isn’t something you can just level up into. I think the closer to 30 I get, the more I realise that even real, proper grown-ups don’t have it all figured out. We just take the lemons life gives us and we get better and better at making lemonade. It helps to have good friends that’s for sure. Especially the kind of friends who will take your picture when your drink perfectly matches your blouse or who will help you search for the perfect pressed powder when the make-up aisle has you feeling clueless, flustered and like you’re 16 again.

  • Los Angeles, Mexico City and Home Together Again

    Los Angeles, Mexico City and Home Together Again

    The sun is shining through our living room windows, Willow is sunbathing next to me and Dave is about to start cooking dinner. Just a week back home together and it feels as though he never went away.

    I hadn’t imagined my previous blog post would be the last before I left for LA; I imagined I’d blog again before I left and I’d be updating on the trip whilst I was away too.

    In reality, in the lead up I was way too focused on a very thorough, clear and organised plan for juggling work and life and packing and pre-holiday admin. I channelled all of my nervous energy into list creation. There are times when being an over-thinker can come in handy and this was definitely one of them – I’d thought of everything!

    And then once I was on holiday, all I wanted was to enjoy every moment.

    It’s been a whirlwind…

    Three weeks ago, I was still missing Dave, having not seen him for nearly three months and top of my to-do list was actually hoovering, because I had guests coming for the weekend.

    And two weeks ago, about this time in the US, we were on our way to the Griffith Observatory (which I was very excited to visit for the first time, given my obsession with the film La La Land and the super theatrical scene when Mia and Sebastian kiss for the first time.) We spent the evening there and, when the time came, watched as the sun set over the Hollywood hills, before getting the scrummiest dinner.

    I feel extremely lucky to have had the opportunity to not just visit Los Angeles, but to do so after Dave had gotten to know it so well. I feel I really saw only the best of a city, which, let’s face it, is known for having its good and its bad bits. I loved LA for its connection to the movies, for the proximity you felt to stardom, the way it sparkles at night and the way it looks from up high, its free and breezy energy and for the oodles of food and drink available. As a city girl, I enjoyed its vastness and the pace of life there too.

    We also were lucky enough to spend two nights in Mexico City with friends and again, we got ourselves a proper highlights tour. In fact, after our time with them there, Mexico City is going down as one of my favourite cities in the world. It’s got so much history and culture. It’s sinking between the mountains in it’s own unique, beautiful way, it’s so green and again, it’s full of amazing food and drink. One of the two nights, sat drinking Mescal cocktails outside a bar in Coyoacán, chatting away to friends we love but don’t see as often as we like, I was oh so happy. Especially safe in the knowledge that we’d be finishing the night, not with McDonald’s, but with freshly made churros dipped in chocolate.

    I wrote about travelling with butterflies at a time not that long ago, when I thought I’d gotten it all figured out. As with any mental illness, it turns out anxiety is unpredictable as ever and in fact, mine didn’t really trouble me for most of my time away – in spite of the fact I was further from home than ever before. It wasn’t as I’d have thought: I didn’t start the trip full of butterflies and then relax into life away as time went on. I started the trip feeling weirdly calm and it wasn’t until only the last couple of days that I started to feel the familiar queasiness and head fluffiness. I enjoyed all of our time away, but by the end I definitely felt the need to be grounded at home and was very much looking forward to landing back on familiar ground. And not just because of the butterflies of course, because I missed Willow and Mambo too and couldn’t wait to get Dave home and reunited with both of them. (On that – in a very un-cat-like fashion, they were so happy to see him! They remembered him instantly and were straight under his feet purring and wanting attention. It was the absolute cutest)

    And now we’re home and currently, I’m just the normal Bronwen amount of anxious. The butterflies are lurking, but they’re not causing me any real trouble. I’d have expected Dave being home to at least cause me a bit of agg on the mental health front – any change, good or bad, usually does, but yet again, I am pleasantly surprised by my brains lack of fuss about it.

    In other news, I’m trying to remember work is just work, because it’s a little much right now and it’s got the potential to become all consuming at the moment. I’m excited for the next few months and for all we have planned. And I’m really enjoying seeing daises among the grass, trees full of leaves and summer dresses on smiley faced people everywhere. Summer is in the air here in the UK and I love love love it.

  • Enjoying the now

    Enjoying the now

    My flights to L.A are booked and there are only 52 days now until I’ll be posting from a, hopefully sunny, California. So, if you’re reading this and you have any recommendations for where to find the best food in LA, let me know!

    Time is absolutely flying by and everyone keeps telling me it’ll be no time at all before Dave and I are reunited at the airport, Love Actually style. Although, me being me, you can bet I’ll trip and fall flat on my face or I’ll get lost and head to the wrong exit or I’ll mistake a total stranger for Dave from behind and embarrass myself tremendously.

    But I’m not wishing the time away. If I could click my fingers and be with Dave tomorrow, I would, but seeing as I can’t, I’m determined to carry on making the best of things between now and then.

    Now the days are getting longer in the UK, I’m getting out for some beautiful walks. Although I’m finding I have to pick my moments. Whilst walking every day was something I enjoyed when Dave was on home turf, I’m currently finding that on the wrong day a walk leaves me too alone with my thoughts.

    But I’ve discovered some amazing podcasts, thanks to recommendations from friends, and they make me feel like I’ve got company even when I’m washing up at home. Thanks to them, I spend a lot of time laughing instead of feeling lonely.

    One of my best friends recently had a beautiful, healthy baby boy and two of my best friends have hen-dos next month. One of those lovely ladies gets married in April, just before I fly.

    There’s too much to be grateful for and excited about between now and my flight, for me to wish the time away.

    The older we get the quicker the time flies hey? So, if I were to leave you with a pearl of wisdom, true Blog with Bron style, then it would be to think short-term. Know what your end goal is. Know what you’re aiming for. But focus most of all on the chunk of life in front of you. Make decisions in the present based on where you want to end up, but don’t let excitement about reaching that goal stop you enjoying the now.

  • Travelling With Butterflies: Navigating Anxiety Whilst Abroad

    Travelling With Butterflies: Navigating Anxiety Whilst Abroad

    Back on home turf and reflecting on an incredible weekend away in Italy spent sticking a middle finger up at all of the anxious thoughts that told me I couldn’t enjoy it.

    Travelling feels daunting to most of us regardless of our mental wellness. I think it’s natural. As someone who struggles with anxiety a lot, it can be even more scary.

    In advance, I worried about whether things would be awkward between me and the friend I was travelling with. I worried about running out of money or whether the trip would be worth the money I’d already spent. I felt super nervous about not being able to fluently speak the language and about being so far from home. I worried about having an anxiety attack and not being able to get to somewhere where I’d feel safe.

    And that was all no doubt exasperated by the fact it’s been ages since I left the UK. Many of us have spent more time at home during the pandemic than ever before and if you’re anything like me, you’ve gotten used to living in your comfort zone.

    As an overthinker, I get a foggy head in high anxiety situations. And this happens more frequently in unknown territory.

    For the first few days of the holiday, I valued time in my hotel room to recharge and I found it hard to ground myself whilst out and about exploring. That first day of travelling was the most stressful. I felt hot and tense and flustered for most of it. When I landed in Verona, just getting the bus into the town centre was nearly too much. The bus conductor got stroppy with me when I approached him for a ticket, having not noticed the ticket machine at the bus stop and that alone had me wanting to board a flight straight back to rainy London.

    I knew I was getting there when I started to notice the little things. There was a moment at the end of a long day in Venice when I looked up from where I was sat, waiting for a water taxi, took a deep breath and just took in the view.

    From there on in, it was like the butterflies decided they needed a rest from flapping. Almost as though they’d worked double time for the first half of the holiday and couldn’t keep it up any longer. And so, I can genuinely say I relaxed for the last few days.

    I wish I could say exactly what I did to get through the anxiety and out the other side. I guess the main thing I’d advise you to do is be patient with yourself. I’m glad I didn’t beat myself up when I found the first few days tough. I didn’t overthink or stress when I couldn’t finish my dinner or found myself lingering in my hotel room for longer than planned. And in the end, the gentle approach got me through.

    And I’m so proud. Proud of finding the courage to travel again even when it felt daunting and excited for all of the travels still to come. There’s hope for all of us anxious folk yet. I promise!

  • Week Thirty: Back from Kefalonia and Preparing to Move Home

    Week Thirty: Back from Kefalonia and Preparing to Move Home

    In just a few weeks time now, we’ll be moving out of this little flat and moving into a new home. This little place we’ve called home for two and a half years, will soon be someone else’s home and we’ll be settling ourselves into a new one. I’m a little emotional about it already, can you tell?

    That said, when I remember just how hard the move to this little flat really was for me, I feel as though I’ve come a long way. Chapter Three was one of the most open and honest chapters I ever wrote and it was written at a time when this place felt too new and strange and unfamiliar to be called home. Now, I’m as emotional as I am because this place really is ours.

    This makes me feel all kinds of soppy and gives me hope that this time, this move, I might just be okay.

    Today I’ve another jam session with the band! The novelty is never going to wear off… I am never going to be able to say that without ruining all of the coolness by squealing! I’ve got a horrid cold, so who knows how I’m going to sound, but I’m still rocking up. I feel like, worst case scenario, I can sit in the corner and munch while the rest of the guys write and play. I’ll just watch in awe and contribute when I can.

    This week will be my first full week back at work after my holiday and I’m actually quite looking forward to it. As per, I’m really excited about the return to routine and all things normal.

    The holiday was FANTASTIC though. I cannot recommend Kefalonia enough. The people are lovely. The food is AMAZINGGGG. The itself island is so beautiful: The towns of Fiscardo and Assos which weren’t touched by the 1953 earthquake and the cities of Sami and Argostoli which had to be rebuilt. The coast is stunning and the sea is stunning. So much so that I went for a swim! Yes, the Bronwen who is terrified of the sea and anything to do with it, wondered off the beach and right into it like it was as easy as pie! The sea looked like a swimming pool it was so clear! Who could be afraid of that!? Once was enough though, second time around my mind wandered too often to whose habitat I was in and whether I was welcome…

    We stayed in Skala and I’d definitely recommend Skala too. It’s small enough that you get your bearings fast, but there are plenty of restaurants and bars and shops to grab your souvenirs in. It feels very safe and super chilled, but lively in the evenings. It’s basically the best of all worlds. We loved it.

  • Week Six: Home again after a Wintery Weekend in Paris

    Week Six: Home again after a Wintery Weekend in Paris

    This time one week ago, I was in Paris with one of my bestest friends. I think it was Sunday night that we spent up at Montmartre admiring Le Sacre Coeur. We found a fantastic restaurant to have dinner, where two men were playing guitars and the food was great. The French waiter convinced me to order the ‘good wine’ for an extra four euro and he was EXTREMELY peeved when my friend wouldn’t be so easily swayed.

    We had a lovely time in Paris. I had received mixed reviews in the lead up to our trip. It seems people either love it or hate it. I loved it. I can’t wait to go back already. We stayed in Bastille (which I would highly recommend doing) and, for three nights, were in a brilliant area full of lively bars and restaurants, cute cafes and amazing bakeries. I didn’t buy macaroons to bring home; I felt like they should be saved for Paris. I regret my decision already. I MISS MACAROONS. (I know I could probably find them in London, but it just wouldn’t be the same!)

    We drank plenty of wine and ate cheese and meats and crepes and macaroons galore. One delicacy we didn’t brave was the snails. Did we miss out? My sister would tell me we did, but I really don’t think I could have done it.

    We were doing good with the French by the end of the trip too! We definitely gained confidence as we went along. At breakfast on the final day, I successfully told the waitress I’d like a coffee, but then sissied out and ordered my eggs in English. I was half way there at least! Je pense que notre francais etait tres bon!

    We came back from Paris on Monday and so for me, week number six began on Tuesday. I expected work to be absolute madness (and by the end of the week it was), but I’d left things surprisingly organised and on Tuesday I was able to ease myself back in gently.

    The week actually flew by and Friday came around nice and quickly.

    Friday evening just gone was lovely. I spent it at a best friend’s house treating myself to a face mask and a fresh coat of paint on my nails. She cooked me an incredibly tasty chicken stir fry and we watched rubbish TV until I was too sleepy to keep my eyes open any longer.

    It’s been quite a chilled weekend really. We had no plans. I’m currently working on my Level 2 assessment for a new qualification at work and therefore have spent the majority of today with my head in a book. The best kind of Sundays are though, right? Now the sweet potato chips are in the oven, steaks are at the ready, the bottle of red wine has officially been opened and we’re going to stick a movie on.

    Simply, Paris is lovely, work is mad, weekends are the bestest and let’s please not mention the New Years’ Resolutions again just yet.

  • The Best of Brighton: Culture, Food, and Fun

    I spent last weekend in Brighton with four friends, celebrating my friend’s birthday and I fell in love.

    I arrived in Brighton tired, hungry, sweaty, clueless and with heavy bags in tow after a very long day at work.

    The lively atmosphere gave me an immediate boost. Between the squeals of people on hen nights, the excitable chatter of everyone around, the yells from friends on tour and the booming voices of train conductors, came the occasional squawk of a seagull, welcoming you to the seaside.

    I needed to buy Aperol for the birthday girl. I couldn’t find it anywhere, which was a shame, but I did find that every single person I spoke to was jolly and helpful. Every off-licence owner tried to help me out and the people in Tesco and Sainsbury’s were eager to do what they could too. I felt like I could have spoken to absolutely anyone and they would have tried to help me out.

    The home we stayed in was booked through air b&b and it was absolutely stunning. The perfect seaside escape. It was a little way from the coast, but the seagulls could still be heard, never fear.

    In my dreams I live in a house like this one when I grow up. It’s so tastefully decorated, so light and airy and everything has it’s place, but it looks lived in too. It’s just the right mix of old and new and it’s not too big or too small. It’s perfect. Aside from the fact it’s on a really really steep hill. Not only was the walk a challenge, but can you imagine trying to parallel park outside!?

    I could have spent days exploring the centre of Brighton and I’ve still no idea how we got from one place to another. All I know is that on your way down to the coast you wonder through ‘The Lanes’. There’s bunting everywhere, it’s a maze of madness that transports you to another time and there are shops and stools selling all sorts of bits and bobs. There’s something for everyone. There are so many cute independent shops. There’s so much street food and so many cute, eccentric cafes to be explored. Including Choccywoccydoodah which just has to be the craziest dessert cafe on Earth!

    There are loads of cool independent bars and clubs on the seafront too, individual to Brighton. Not forgetting the cute arty shops down there and the fish and chip stands! Fish and chips is obligatory of course.

    Wherever you wonder along the seafront the views are lovely. There’s even a massive 360 degrees moving observation tower you can go up, if that takes your fancy and you have the time. I imagine the views must be wonderful. Brighton’s beach isn’t sandy, it’s a pebble beach, but this doesn’t take away from the fact it’s really very pretty. I couldn’t take enough pictures. Particularly on a sunny day, the sea is so beautifully blue and everything looks so colourful and alive.

    Brighton has Churchill Square shopping centre too, with all your big name stores. There are chain restaurants and big bars and clubs with names you’d probably recognize.

    Brighton Pier itself is the epitome of British Sea Front fun. There are arcades and fayre ground rides. I wasn’t crazy enough to brave the waltzers but those of us who did said they were sure they were the spinniest and fastest they’d ever been on. There’s donuts and ice cream and candy floss galore and there’s even a sit down restaurant and bar.

    There are many other must-sees we missed simply because we didn’t have enough time. From the stunning Royal Pavillion to the Museum and Art Gallery, Brighton has culture and history too.

    I can’t recommend a visit to Brighton enough and I’ll definitely be back! I imagine there’s even more to discover than I know.