Blogging Goodbye to Butterflies

Tag: wellbeing

  • Life doesn’t stop because you’re house hunting 🏘️

    Life doesn’t stop because you’re house hunting 🏘️

    Dave and I’s first day of house viewings was a little disheartening, but the second day (crammed full of twice as many viewings) was much more promising. We’ve not found our future home yet, but we have gotten to a point where we’re much more clued up on what our actual deal breakers are and what we love in a house.

    I genuinely went into our search thinking all we needed was any house with a roof, walls, three bedrooms and a garden. I’d never really paid much attention to how different houses are. We’ve seen so many different types of 3 bedroom house and it turns out it’s all so much more complicated.

    I’ve gone from impatiently revisiting every Rightmove listing wondering if there’s a house we’ve overlooked or could make work, to realising that we should take this slow. We’re in the extremely privileged position of being able to take our time searching and I think that’d be the first bit of advice I’d give to anyone looking to buy a home – if you have the luxury of time, don’t rush it.

    Another reason to take it slow is that, life hasn’t stopped for the house search. And for a little while there, I was definitely overdoing it. Work has been busy as ever and there’s been a lot else exciting going on besides us scrolling Rightmove on the daily. In fact, it’s been a hectic few weeks since I last wrote.

    My Dad and I road tripped up to Manchester to see my little brother and his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago. They live in this super cool flat, on the one-from-the-top floor of a block of flats, with incredible views of the Manchester city skyline. We spent two days eating yummy food, catching up on life and seeing some of the sights. I started to feel a little poorly while we were there and was grateful to be with family, able to take things in my stride – on the Saturday afternoon, when I ran out of energy all together, we all went back to the flat to cosy down with tea and snacks and watch the most random movie on Disney +.

    It was just a cold. I thought I was going to be able to push through a week working from home when Monday came around, but it actually hit me pretty hard! By Wednesday, I was crying on the sofa feeling totally drained and too snotty to mention.

    I did thankfully recover in time for our second lot of house viewings that weekend.

    Then, this week just gone, Dave and I’s boiler broke down. The pressure dropped, the error light came on, we reported the fault and next thing we knew, an engineer was sticking a ‘DO NOT USE’ warning sticker on the front of it and telling us we’d need a replacement. I had two cold showers in the time it was out of action and I must say, whilst I will probably never choose to do it again (especially not in autumn) I did feel the benefits you always hear about.,, I felt energised and refreshed and I’m sure my hair was softer too.

    The new boiler was fitted on Friday and I’m incredibly grateful to be living in a home with hot water again.

    Yesterday, I spent a wonderfully autumnal day at Kew with one of my best friends. We wandered among the trees and leaves, caught up on life, drank tea and cake and finished the day with red wine and pie at a pub nearby.

    And now here I am. Curled up on the sofa at the end of a very lazy day, but still shattered. Looking forward to an evening eating chicken, broccoli and roast potatoes and catching up on Strictly Come Dancing. Can you imagine an evening more wholesome?

  • Diversions in life make way for new adventures 🗺️

    Diversions in life make way for new adventures 🗺️

    Today’s the best kind of Sunday – I’m off out to meet one of my best friends for a roast dinner and a country walk. The pub we’ve found for Sunday roast is so popular that they called me on Friday just to make sure we still wanted our table and it couldn’t be offered to someone else. I bet the roast potatoes will be super yummy.

    This week has been a bit of an uphill struggle and not only did I feel anxious and tired and headachy and run down as I so frequently do, but I made it worse by stressing about why I might be feeling that way at a time when life is supposedly pretty good.

    I sat on the sofa one night running over everything I could possibly be stressing about this time. Work? Fine. Friendships? Pretty fab. Family? Love ’em. Cats? Happy and healthy. Life admin? Manageable.

    It never gets easier to accept that anxiety is a part of my life and that it can be an irrational response to simply just being.

    But I’m not too mad I over thought it, as I’ve done some research over the weekend which has been really enlightening. I think maybe my hormones took a swing at a certain time in a certain monthly cycle. It’s been comforting to read that, if that is the case, I’m not alone. Turns out there are multiple times in the month when those of us with cycles can feel more in a tizz and that hormones can do their thing more often as we got older. Whilst this is miserable news, it is comforting to think that maybe next time I’ll be a little gentler with myself. 30 years behind me and still learning new things about my body and my butterflies all the time.

    Pleased to have made it through in spite of it all. I had a productive week at work and it’s been a lovely weekend so far, full of time with friends. On Friday night I went to visit a friend and her absolutely precious new born baby girl. Last night, I was out celebrating one of my best friend’s 30th birthday at a London pub. The tube got suspended and I ended up getting the bus and then taking a walk through Wandsworth Park to get there, which was BEAUTIFUL. Once there, I had the best time playing pool, nattering with lovely ladies I haven’t seen in ages and saying cheers to the birthday girl with bubbles and cupcakes.

    Today, I’m excited for roast potatoes, a long overdue catch up and I’m excited to get in the car and listen to Taylor Swift at top volume… If I wasn’t a Swiftie before going to the Eras tour, I most definitely am now. I’m currently making my way through ‘evermore’ and loving every moment. Also am currently obsessed with Raye’s album ’21st Century Blues’ and Cat Burns’ ‘Early Twenties’.

    Happy Sunday all! Lessons learned this week – we should all go a little easier on ourselves when we feel run down, because sometimes our bodies just need a rest. Time with friends is so precious and always worth pushing through for. And being thrown off the tube isn’t always a bad thing, because taking a new route can be pretty wonderful.

  • Healthy Changes 🪟

    Healthy Changes 🪟

    Some New Healthy Daily Habits Have Helped With My Mental and Physical Wellbeing.

    I’ve made a few really healthy changes this week and I’m well chuffed about it.

    We re-arranged my desk on Monday so that I can see out of the window more easily. When I’m sat at my desk working, no-matter how confident and motivated I feel, I’m filled with adrenaline. I imagine this feeling is heightened for me, because I’m a nervous Nellie, but this is probably the case for most of us: We’re switched on when we’re at our desk, especially when we’re keeping a lot of plates spinning.

    Looking out of the window, even if just for a moment, helps me to breathe deeper. It’s made such a huge difference.

    Moving my desk around has also allowed me to create space for writing and planning. When I ordered one of Papier’s daily planners last year, I did it for what I now think were all the wrong reasons. The perfectionist in me imagined it would allow me to live the ‘perfect’ life, never forget anything again and achieve way more every day.

    I’ve picked it back up again, but this time simply to get a little more organised. I’m also using the habit tracker more consistently, but I’m starting achievable habits. I’ve been trying to eat a piece of fruit a day for example. And I’ve pledged to get moving each day.

    We also worked out this week that, with my Chilly’s bottle only holding 500ml of water, I need to drink at least 4 bottles a day to be fully hydrated! FOUR! Is is just me that never realised just how much water we need in our life? I drink water all the time and still only re-fill my bottle once a day! This week I’ve been consciously trying to be better and it could be the placebo effect, but I swear I feel better already.

    Bank holiday weekend has been for quality time with our nearest and dearest. Coming to you today from the sofa at my Granny and Grandad’s beautiful home. I can hear the clock ticking, the oven whirring and not much else and in spite of lack of sleep, I am feeling calmer than I have in a while.

    Happy Easter to those who celebrate! And to those who don’t, Happy Sunday. Hope yours also brings you calm, even if only for a moment.

  • Why it’s important to slow down when life feels complicated

    We, people in general, tend to overcomplicate things. Life’s fairly simple when you think about it. We’re born. Some things go wrong and some things go right. Some of us are lucky and some of us are incredibly unlucky. Some people like us and some people don’t. We make friends and we lose them. Then at some point it all has to end and most of the time people are sad to see other people go, regardless of what we may have done or not done, because at the end of the day the loss of life is simply sad.

    This isn’t coming from a place of complete randomness. Life has felt overwhelmingly complicated recently.

    When I nipped quickly into the Paperchase at London Euston a couple of weeks ago to grab a diary, because things were a little crazy and I needed to keep track, I was just excited to be back from travelling, to be rolling on with work and to have so many fantastic plans ahead.

    This week, I’ve done nothing but wish life was simpler. I’ve felt like I’m losing track. Suddenly work feels like my whole life and as much as I love my job, I can’t help freaking out about all the important things I don’t have time for. The days haven’t felt as long as they did in the beginning and there’s not enough time and everything’s been a muddle.

    Then out of nowhere, today has been simple.

    I simply slept for as long as I needed and then rolled out of bed at 11am. Dave cooked a not so simple, very impressive breakfast, but I helped where I could and sipped tea when I couldn’t. I sat outside and read my book and then I got too hot and moved indoors. Then I convinced Dave to walk round to McDonald’s with me and we bought McFlurrys. We don’t feel like cooking, so we’re simply ordering in.

    I feel like today has done me the world of good. Stepping out of the craziness of it all for just a little while has put my feet back on the ground again.

    Not only does this remind me of the value of slowing down once in a while, but I now feel like a complete wally. From an outside perspective, looking back, life’s been simple all along really.

    I have got to stop over-complicating things! (As if it’s that easy)

  • Trying and almost failing to overcome another anxious meltdown

    During the last week of the Easter break, home became just wonderful enough to ensure that leaving it again would be as difficult as ever. I’m back in Cardiff now and until recently, I was feeling very sorry for myself. For the first time this year, I’d had a anxious meltdown and it felt like my university fresher self was back to haunt me.

    Anyone who knew me in first year, knew my meltdowns were just my way of escaping life when the anxiety became too much to handle. My anxiety would hit me hard and that would quickly be followed by a wave of depression which would make even getting out of bed to grab cereal feel like too much to handle. Home sickness was mostly to blame I think, although I know there are a lot of other things I haven’t dealt with, which I imagine were choosing to raise their ugly heads. I’d say I was having a meltdown. What I’d mean was that my whole world felt like it was crumbling and all I could think to do was sit and cry until the feeling passed.

    I certainly haven’t got all of the answers yet. If I’m honest, I haven’t really wanted to go looking for them. And anyway, I’ve been far too happy this year to need an escape and I’ve felt like my meltdowns were behind me.

    Except, I came back to university last week full of butterflies and quickly realised I needed to get a move on. The more anxious I felt, the more time I wasted, the more time I wasted the more rubbish I felt, the more rubbish I felt, the more I missed home and the more I missed home, the more I lost focus. The less I could focus, the more I panicked. It sounds so silly now, but I came to a holt. With an essay to write and a tonne of revision to plough through, a holt was not where I needed to be.

    Eventually anxiety had me crumbling again and I couldn’t find a way out of it.

    Until I did.

    I finally handed in my last essay yesterday. And so, this week already looks so much brighter.

    Sometimes we need to panic and we need to mope and maybe I still need the occasional meltdown, but that’s okay right? So long as we can put ourselves back together, pick ourselves up and get moving again as soon we’re ready. My anxiety hasn’t won yet. I’m back on the move again.