I look like I’ve got this: Everyone has their own stuff going on

I hit rock bottom Wednesday morning. I felt extremely alone and I missed Dave terribly. I felt like I wasn’t going to be able to go on without things going back to the way they were. I couldn’t accept the change (even if temporary). And I didn’t want to either. I wanted to be able to pick up the phone and tell him to come home and yet, I knew I couldn’t and so I felt helpless. I ended up a blubbing mess on the phone to one of my best friends, who managed to convince me I could and would go on. Then my wonderful Dad came over and before long I was making chilli and feeling like myself again.

And then on Thursday, I felt even better and I went into the office. I did my make up even better than I normally do and I washed my hair and I wore my new mom jeans, which make me feel super confident, and I realised people would have no idea. Everyone in the office was going to see me, all put together and think ‘woah, that girl’s got it down’.

So, I know we’re making massive strides in mental health awareness all of the time, but in the spirit of reminding you that you’re never alone, even if everyone around you looks like they’re conquering life… I’ve had nice hair, but I’ve also had a bonkers, emotional, challenging couple of weeks and I do not got this.

I should have known I’d find the first couple of weeks without Dave around hard. I know I don’t do well with change, but I had come up with a million reasons not to worry about it. I knew I’d miss him, but I thought video chat would help take the edge off. And I told myself that day to day life wouldn’t really be that different. I’ve always worked at home on my own on the week days, while Dave headed into the office. I don’t even really mind time alone. Right now, for example, I am thoroughly enjoying me time…

I’m curled up with a cuppa, a box of chocs and Willow, who’s sat on my lap between me and my laptop making it incredibly hard for me to type. And yet, I couldn’t possibly move her. I’ve got my favourite Disney film on in the background – top marks for anyone who can guess which one in the comments.

But there’s only so much me time a person needs and this is way harder than I realised it would be.

I have no doubt there are going to continue to be ups and downs, but I’m going to try to make the best of every day, just like I resolved to when 2023 first came around. And that means, reading and singing and walking and doing some yoga. And apparently I should get into some podcasts to combat the loneliness too?