Spring is in the air and I can gradually feel my energy levels rising. I’m sure I’m not alone. There’s something about living longer days, seeing growing buds on trees and smelling freshly cut grass that just boosts those happy hormones.
Chapter Seven has been on the horizon for a while. Not only have I felt more like eating healthy, getting active and smiling since March came around, it’s also felt like time to get writing again.
The title of this post might seem a little gloomy. For me, it’s hopeful; it’s about letting go of the need to perfect yourself.
This blog was started by a Bronwen on a mission to find herself. Growing up we’re sold this lie that some day we’ll find ourselves and all will be right in the world. Especially as you reach adulthood, there’s so much talk of finding yourself, i.e. figuring out who you are and what you want in life. We’re told that until you truly find yourself, your relationships won’t be as meaningful and you’ll find it harder to make life’s biggest decisions.
A load of rubbish.
I come to you now as a 29 year old Bronwen, still learning new things about myself every day, always changing, growing and evolving and realising I may never really find myself.
And that’s okay.
We evolve because life is constantly changing and we change with it. Sometimes the scariest thing about change, is how much it threatens to change you as the person you’ve come to know. Change is hard for a huge number of reasons. Among those, there can be a huge pressure to align the new you, in new circumstances with the old versions of yourself. It can feel like you’re losing your identity.
And it can feel like if you lose your identity, you’re going to lose the people around you too, because you feel like the people who love you, loved a specific version of you. And that can be suuuuper scary.
But lately I’m learning there’s nothing wrong with adapting. Some days I love tea and books. Some days I want to drink coffee and binge Gossip Girl. Some days I am sunshiney, but some days I am the opposite.
Being multiple things can be hardest of all in a social media world where we’re told to pick a box in order to find an online community, gain a following or to simply fill out our bio.
Most of all, I think I finally get that we need to know that we can count on the people in our life to enjoy watching us change and grow. Maybe this just comes with age and experience? Maybe eventually we all find freedom to evolve and learn that the people who stick around are the people who count?
Introducing Chapter Seven – the chapter in which I’ll be turning 30! (Eeeek!) In this chapter I may well contradict myself, I may change, I might not seem to have everything figured out, but I’ll ramble freely and share what wisdom I can as always.
And I’ll carry on celebrating the little things, because that’s one thing about me I hope will never change. Although of course it may.
Blogging Goodbye to Butterflies 